UFO Parachronisms, Episode 1
Filmed in 1970, the events in UFO take place in 1980. The show is enshrined with anachronistic imagery. One can only marvel at Gerry Anderson’s optimism when seeing his 1980’s era moon bases and flying submarines.
Indeed the term anachronism doesn’t even feel right, because we’re so used to thinking of it in terms of things that appear in the past before they are actually invented. (For example, a movie that mistakenly shows a Roman soldier wearing a wristwatch.) However, UFO has things that have not yet been invented at all, even in the present.
I call this parachronism. The Greek prefix para- is used in so many seemingly related ways (e.g. paradox and paranormal) that parachronism fits perfectly.
Assessment of Parachronisms from UFO’s Episode 1, “Identified”
2. First-Person Shooter – Anachronism. I just wanted to know if the bullets are made out of chrome too?
3. Handcuff Briefcase – Correct Chronology. There is a long and established precedence for handcuffing a briefcase with top-secret information to one's wrist.
4. Orange Vests to Increase Visibility – Correct Chronology. This is probably overly generous, but there is some foundation to believe that by 1980 wearing orange vests was beginning to occur among the safety conscience. Now my only question is, what motivates a motorcycle escort of on a top-secret mission to seek high-visibility?
5. Gull-Wing Door Cars – Anachronism. Oh, it was so close, but the first Deloreon was released in 1981.
6. “Futuristic” Cars – PARACHRONISM. By 1980, there was a definite trend toward making cars even boxier, not curved.
7. Elevator Rooms – PARACHRONISM. Anyone in possession of an actual elevator room is urged to leave a comment. Or better yet, e-mail me.
8. Mainframe Computers – Correct Chronology. As a government agency, S.H.A.D.O. would not have yet updated their computer systems in 1980. I don't think most started until the late 90's.
9. Videophone – PARACHRONISM. And might I add, it’s already 2005; where the hell are our videophones?!?
10. Moon Base – PARACHRONISM. That is unless of course there really is a super-secret government agency fighting UFOs.
11. Purple Wigs – Correct Chronology. Think punk rockers.
12. One-Way Mirror Changing Rooms – PARACHRONISM. While one-way mirrors are in fact used in all kinds of ways, I’ve yet to see them employed for changing rooms. Thank God.
13. Removable Legs on Pants – PARACHRONISM. Let’s just leave it at that.
14. Silver Skirts – PARACHRONISM. The only place that silver skirts have ever been widely worn were at millennium parties.
15. Mesh Shirts – Correct Chronology. Oh the shame! I owned one once.
16. “Skydiver” Rocket Submarines – PARACHRONISM. I sure would like to own one of these.
17. “S.H.A.D.O. Control” Buck Rogers Helmet – Correct Chronology. The people in the Buck Rogers show wore helmets like these all the time in 1980.
18. Corny Flying Line – Correct Chronology. They really nailed this right on the head. Airplane!, which was released in 1980, was filled with lines like:
“These clouds give about as much cover as a g-string on a belly dancer.”
19. Convenient Alcohol Dispensers – PARACHRONISM. Oh, if only it was this easy.
20. RV Ambulance – PARACHRONISM. Wouldn’t it be nice to go to the hospital in style?
21. Electro Tissue Analysis – PARACHRONISM. Just imagine how this technology would have aided the Reagan adminstration's war on drugs.
22. Secret Passageway for Caskets – PARACHRONISM. If only death were really this fun.
posted by ARGOTT at 9:42 PM
2 Comments:
The reason we don't have videophones is, considering how many people make and recieve phone calls in various states of nudity or other unattractive conditions, nobody in their right mind would actually use it.
Trust me, it's for the best.
The culture would find a way to cope with videophones, perhaps by making it the accepted-norm for people to remain behind a one-way mirror while on the phone.
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